Tales of an understated blogger

To say I’m useless at blogging is an understatement. It’s so understated it’s underwhelming. It’s been over a month and a half since my last blog post because, well, I just haven’t been doing anything interesting. Unless you count my new job of course.

For those of you who know me personally you’ll be aware that I got a (kind of) promotion at my day job. For the past year I’ve been a casual front-of-house staff member at the Quarterhouse in Folkestone which pays the bills as I’ve not been earning much recently as a filmmaker. You don’t get paid until the film’s released and it’s going to be another year before we’ll be in a position to sell feature film number two. I’ll explain my lack of income from feature film number one later.

Last month I got a new salaried position as Visitor Experience Assistant, my photo is on the website and everything! Basically if it’s to do with visitors to the Creative Foundation and any of its projects – including the Quarterhouse, Folkestone Triennial and the Creative Quarter – I’m your man (along with four others and a manager of course). Sounds fun eh? Except one of my tasks today was to stand in the male toilets and time the automatic flushes of the urinals. Don’t ask.

Since I had major surgery on my chest a few years back my belly has been growing, I look pregnant! To the person who says I don’t, YES I DO! You know who you are!

So to counteract it I’ve started playing football again. I used to play regularly until I started my film course at university in 2009, I was in a 5-a-side team called the Grimsby Misfits who finished the season just one solitary point above the bottom of the table and that was due to us and the bottom team, Grimsby Old Boys, facing each other in the final game. We beat them 1-0 thanks to a goal by our ace 19-goal-a-season striker, my brother-in-law Norman Connor. I played mainly in defence and was the only player on our team never to score a goal. We took part in a charity football tournament and I scored my only goal of my amateur football career in the semi-final… except the final whistle blew literally as the ball crossed the line so the goal was disallowed. We lost 2-1. Previous to that I played very briefly with the Grimsby Town Youths and then the fans’ team, the InToNet Mariners. Playing football again has given me so much more stamina in just a few weeks. Not in any team, not in any tournament, just me and some mates having a kickaround on the village green in Capel-le-Ferne.

So onto that lack of film money. My friend Steve, writer and director of the movies I have been and am working on, signed a contract for Christmas Slay with a film distribution company based in Florida, USA. As it was his first contract he signed it straight away without reading the small print. NOTE: ALWAYS READ THE SMALL PRINT. The contract gave them exclusive global rights to the movie in all formats for a period of seven years starting from the day it was signed. Also hidden in that contract was a small part which stated that although we will get 70% of all profits they do not have to pay us a penny (or a dime) until the end of that contract. So in July 2022 we’ll get a nice payday but it means we’ll be struggling until then, or until we finish our next movie and either self-distribute or READ THE SMALL PRINT before signing another distribution deal.

I’m thinking of starting a blog series about Football Manager. When I’m not working, filming, playing my guitar or playing football I’m playing FM18. I have been since those early Championship Manager days. I’m faced with a dilemma though, should I start it now or wait until FM19 is out in a few months?

And I’m still no closer to relaunching my YouTube channel.

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